I admit I tend to over complicate simple situations, an answer may stare me dead in the face yet I want to rework and constantly tweak my reality so that I sleep better at night. I think that is one of those feminine traits, over-analyzing to the bone. It’s been a minute since my last relationship and I am having a hard time accepting that it’s over. Yes, I’ve somehow managed to give advice to others while becoming a member of the “she must be slow” club.

I’m not calling, stalking, crying and creating a shrine or nothing. I’ve been on dates, I continue to go on dates, and I’m out there. Physically I’m out there still continuing on the journey. Physically I’m over it, but emotionally is another story. It would be one thing if I was the only one in this twisted mental state, but I know I’m not. I know that I’m not the only one who believes that it aint over. But it is in fact over.

For now… For the best. It hurts when you know that the possibility is there for something solidified and enduring but the circumstances and willingness of the other person to try will not allow for it. There is no one else holding us back from each other, but there is everything else, and I’m just so emotionally tired. I drown myself in work and social activity to forget that there is this lingering feeling and its’ not obsessive or upsetting it’s just longing for those moments of tranquility

Yes, in those moments the world would almost stop and we would spend our time in such meaningful conversations. However, I respect the honesty of a man who tells me that he can’t give me what I need and deserve so therefore I have no choice but to accept that, but I want to stop the second guessing. I want to stop the caring, I want to become cold and distant but it’s not me. Have you ever had an ex-love that you wanted to get back with but knew instinctively that the time wasn’t right.